So I quit.

I find it hard to describe myself in just a few adjectives that are all encompassing (and I’ve had to boil it down to ‘three words that my coworkers would use to best describe me’ in more interviews than I can count) – but positive, confident, and girly are a few that come to mind easily. I have been all of those things my entire life. So when I walked into my first real job at a #fashion company, I picked the perfect outfit and walked in with my usual smile on my face.

By month 2, I had thrown out half my closet, and spent more money then I would like to admit on buying all the ‘in’ things that everyone at the company was wearing. I worked tirelessly to dress and act exactly like everyone around me because that was the obvious path to gaining trust and being successful. I had never before struggled with defining my personal style, and dressed in bright bold colors, in big ruffles, in classic feminine silhouttes, and the occasional strong shouldered blazer – but my style was quickly evolving into a copy of everyone around me.

I thought I needed to dress a certain way and act a certain way to succeed at work and in life, and it became so all consuming that I lost my sense of self. All the reasons that I credit with finding success in my 20s – screaming from rooftops about my passions, being kind, energetic, ambitious, and loud, having a strong sense of self in terms of aesthetic and vision – really faded and left me feeling like a shell of myself. Confused. Unsuccessful in this role. Feeling like I would never succeed was one of the many reasons of why I ended up leaving, and looking back, I wish I discovered sooner that the key to success in the fashion industry (and others) was being unapologetically myself – wearing my favorite clothes, killing with kindness – because when I did both, I was the best and most successful version of myself. You may not be for everyone, but no one is better at being you than you.

As I continue my job search, I have treaded very carefully around opportunities in fashion. I know and love the industry, I have extensive experience in it, and it has not stopped being my dream to have a successful career in the industry, but I’ve done a lot of work on nurturing myself back to who I know and love during funemployment. At least this time around, I have Brooklyn and Boy to look back on and remind myself of how to do it right.